After reading some of my over 40 beautiful 🙂 posts on Single And Married, especially the ones related to marriage, one of my blog visitors who loved and benefited from what she read, decided to share her marital problems with me. I am feeling like a star 🙂 At the end, she asked that I write on What Makes A Happy Marriage? And so, I had tell my laptop “we have work to do” 🙂
However, the instances that readily came to my mind became too many as I jotted them down. So, I decided to make it a two-part post – one addressing the women and the other addressing the men.
I had to re-title the first one How A Woman Can Make A Happy Marriage? My compilation is derived from my experience in marriage, what I see around me and my interactions with friends and blog visitors. As usual, I have to use real life experiences. Please read on….
1. Marry for love. 99% of the broken marriages we have these days, especially between celebrities, is because true love was not the foundation of their marriages. So, just like a house with a bad foundation, such marriages can never stand the test of time. So, if you want a happy marriage and by extension, a happy home, start by letting true love form the bases of your marriage.
2. Marriage is sweet when positions are clearly defined and understood. The man is the head of the family. Traditions, the society and even God Himself, conferred that position on him. In fact, it is his birth right. Where a woman, probably because she makes more money, holds a powerful position in the society or because she is naturally stubborn and arrogant, decides to turn the table around, peace will be a visitor in that marriage, and by extension, the home – coming and going as the environment dictates 🙂 Submissiveness and humility from the wife are two traits that will guarantee you a happy home and reduce to the barest minimum, the number of times you have “civil wars” in your marriage 🙂 Being humble and submissive to your husband does not mean that you are weak and foolish, it simply means that you are a real woman, leaving as God and the society expects of you. As you lay your bed. you will lie on it ma 🙂
3. No matter how small, support your husband financially. The fact that your husband is the head of the family does not mean he should foot all the bills in the home. Every man, including me, appreciates it when a woman reduces the financial burden on his shoulders. Like I said, no matter how little we 🙂 will really appreciate it.
4. Take charge in taking care of the house and the children. What many women who engage the services of house helps do not know is that they have, inevitably, brought in a “competitor” into the house. If the house help is a pretty matured female, then it heightens the competition. How do you expect a man to feel where the house help (a female) tidies up the bedroom in the morning, serves him sweet meals all the time, shows a lot of care towards the man and the children, makes the house look good to the happiness of the husband, and generally does things which a woman is supposed to be doing in the house. So, you do almost nothing !!! Please think…. and deeply too !
5. Review your relationship with your male friends. If you are one of those ladies who used to say “my husband is not the jealous type,” please STOP IT ! 🙂 Even God Almighty was so sincere to have admitted that He is/was a jealous God. What you have instead, is a man who is just trying to contain with what does not go down well with him. To prove this, try sitting on the laps of one of his friends !!! One thing marriage inevitably does is to force us to “move back a bit” from our friends of the opposite sex, especially your ex-boy friend or fiance. As a married woman, you MUST respect your husband’s emotions. Do not toy with it.
6. Do not share your marital problems with people who cannot help. One of the worst mistakes you can do to your husband is to make him and your marital problems a subject of gossip with friends. Who told you that your friend does not have a worse marital problem(s)? Who told you that your friend wishes your marriage well? And who told you that your friend is not interested in your husband? Spreading your marital problems is one single destroyer of many marriages. If you have to share your marital problems let it be someone whom you are sure means well for your marriage. The best person I can think of is your husband. Yes, your husband. Where he proves difficult, your next point of call, from experience, should be his parents, NOT yours 🙂
7. Be weary of tale bearers. “I saw your husband with another woman;” I think your husband is having an affair with your house help.” We hear stuffs like these quite often. Your reaction to “announcements” 🙂 like this will determine whether the jobless tale bearer will come back with another news or not. Anyone who comes with a gossip about your husband does not mean well for your marriage !!! Does the person expect you to go in and prepare a sumptuous meal for him? NO !!! Be wise 🙂
8. Appreciate and encourage your husband. Everyone loves praises. It motivates you to do more. It also strengthens you. We, the husbands, love praises too 🙂 Praise your husband very often. Its not easy to be a man…I mean a real man 🙂 Praises encourages the man and soothes his nerves caused by the stress of running the home. Even where you are the one footing the bills, look for a way to encourage him. Your encouragement could even spur him to his breakthrough.
9. Do not give your husband a public ridicule. NEVER disgrace, insult or be rude to your husband before your children, friends or the public. It becomes a scar that will take a long time to heal. Even when he says he has forgiven you, the memory still lingers. Remember that he is human.
10. Divorce is not a good way to solve marital problems. There is no perfect marriage under heaven. Every marriage has its own fair share of marital problems. What differs is the extent or the nature. So, if you think that divorce will take you to a perfect marriage, I can guarantee you that soon you might be heading to court again for another divorce 🙂 Except where your life is seriously under threat, like where the man is very violent, or where it is obvious that there are irreconcilable differences, divorce does not guarantee you of finding a perfect marriage with another woman. So, try your best to keep your home from an intruder.
11. Keep the communication line permanently open. A lot of marriages are having problems today because of the break down of communication between the couple. Talk to your husband about family issues. He is not supposed to know about family issues from outsiders. Do not bottle up grievances. Open up to him and not outsiders. Do not be a boring wife, thus making your husband to look for company even when you are around. Some men who who seek company from ladies outside or spend most of their time on social media (especially Facebook), even when their wives are around, do so out of boredom or frustration or both.
12. Be tolerant and understanding. To make lasting peace reign in the family, you have to be very tolerant and very understanding. You are supposed to know your husband inside out. Thus, there are some things he does or does not do, and you simply ignore it because its not unexpected of him. Moreover, always remember that you and your husband are two different individuals with different backgrounds, upbringing, exposure, likes, dislikes….So, there is bound to be conflicts in actions sometimes. Bearing this in mind always, will help you to be tolerant and understanding 🙂 Do not forget that marrying him meant marrying him with all his “good times” and bad times” 🙂
13. Be prayerful. A woman who is desirous of having a happy marriage would wish her husband, children, marriage and home well. Pray for them all the time. As they say a good woman keeps the family together while the bad one scatters it.
I hope my tips were useful. If they were please share. You could be saving a marriage from hitting the rocks soon.
Thanks a lot for visiting 🙂
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