In my last post I dwelt on ’’parent-child relationship gone awry.’’ In it I discussed a common problem in most homes, which was troubled parent-child relationships. There, I highlighted common signs of troubled parent-child relationships.
Here, I want to share with you proven remedies to such unproductive, destructive and unenviable family problems.
Below are tips on building a strong relationship between a parent and the children:-.
*it is a parent’s responsibility to do everything within his/her power to make his child happy. Doing this always sends a message across to the child that you care and love him/her.
*No two kids are the same. So, do not use the character of one to serve as a bench mark for the other. It has the negative effect of creating enmity and unhealthy rivalry between them. You are obviously going to be caught in the middle of the acrimony.
*No matter how busy you might be, especially fathers, find time (regularly) to do house chores with your children. Wash clothes, wash dishes and clean up the house with them. Assign duties to them. Apart from strengthening the bond between you and them, you are also teaching them how to be responsible. Its even more important for the boys so that they don’t grow up with the WRONG notion (personal opinion) that it is the duty of the woman to take care of the house. My two year old daughter and six year old son always show excitement when we do house chores together.
*Be slow to punish your child. In fact, my experience with working with teenagers for the past fourteen years has shown that punishing children has been less productive as compared to talking to a child. Talking has really been very helpful in my own relationship with my son and other children I have worked with. Talking builds up parent-child bonding and lets you into some problems of the child which punishment can never reveal.
*remember that in adulthood, there is a word called mistake. Children make tons of mistakes. If you can make mistakes and expect understanding, then your child deserves much more understanding.
*make yourself accessible to your children. Where you create a wall around yourself, then, apart from straining your relationship with your children, you leave them with no option than to take their problems to outsiders. This can be really dangerous.
*Bonding can be boosted by regularly taking your children out. Eat out once in a while. Take them to the zoo, museums and other recreational facilities. Sometimes, when you go visiting friends, take them along. If you ask me, one of the things I am known for in my community is the fact that, most often than not, i am seen with my kids.
*As much as you can, praise, and sometimes, reward your child when an outstanding feat is achieved. A durable and very useful gift would be adviceable.
*Never run down a child who did not do well in school or who has not been very helpful at home. This could create in the child, a lasting negative attitude towards you and attacks the determination to do better. Encourage such a child and inculcate in them an “I can do it” attitude.
*When you are not at work, spend quality time with your family, especially your children. This has a very strong role to play in bonding. This is my favorite pastime.
*Always make your children feel important in your decision making. It simply shows that they mean more than just being children to you.
*Call from work when you can. Ask how school went. Just say something nice. I do this every day.
*If you are into one bad behavior or practice, like smoking, excessive drinking, keeping late nights or indulging in criminal activities, you could be sowing the seeds of hatred in the heart of your child. Children naturally feel very bad when someone outside taunts them because of their parents’ actions.
*Make your child appreciate the difference between discipline and hatred/wickedness. No child likes being scolded or punished. Your child can hate you for it if you do not handle the situation very well. I do a lot of talking with my kids. In fact, I talk more than actual punishment.
*Do not feel unconcerned when you notice sadness on your child’s face or where you notice that all is not well with the relationship between you and your child.
*It is not out of place when you say you are sorry to your child. It does not reduce your father or mother figure. It humbles your child and builds up the trait of humility in the child.
*Allow your children guided freedom around the house. Do not be too unnecessarily strict in the usage of home appliances. Do not make them feel restricted like visitors.
*Explain every rule you set in the house. Make them see the rules as guides to good behavior rather than just rules. Do not turn your home to a military barrack.
*Every time your children need your attention, please give it to them. If you are busy, politely explain to them, and ask that you attend to them later, if the issue can wait.
*Last but not the least, always pray for, and with your child. Prayer time is a solemn moment and an ideal bonding tool. Also, it affords you the opportunity of committing the relationship between you and your children into the hands of God. Make use of it. Its powerful and fruitful. Most importantly, prayers makes it possible for you to commune with the giver of your children and the ultimate care giver.
I have applied all of these tips and they have yielded wonderful results. I have also seen other wonderful relationships that are premised on a combination of these tips. I strongly believe that you would also have good stories to tell if you apply any of these tips that is appropriate to your situation.
Thank you for your time.
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